Tuesday, September 26, 2006
today was the most exhilarating day of my life.i dont know why too but i could feel the adrenaline rush.
it was fantastic seeing a different side of ppl in class i never knew.
the talks today were hilarious.
i always thought that there was so much more to life than being pretty, dolling up and trying so hard to being at fashion's edge.
but i guess things advanced to a different level today.
i love dressing up now!
I dont really know what it means to be sixteen.
i guess that sees the end of smuggling oneself into cinemas for NC16 pictures.
There's just always more than one wants.
Then i will say, 16's not enough, I want to watch M18 movies.
Then when i finally reach 18 , I will lament, I want to watch R21. When will I be 21?
You see, humans can never get enough of anything.
They woulnt want to settle for less than what the world offers.
Being 16 means a fashion revoultion.
It means growing out of berms and flip-flops .
It means growing 2 cm taller!
It means still being mummy's girl:(
I used to languidh for all the things a teenager ones.
but right now, i really dont need anything anymore.
Feeling the love today at the dinner was heartwarming.
JLC Quoted: I HAVE THE BEST D___ FAMILY IN THE WORLD!
that sounds right.
I guess I was always so threathened when things were going alright,
when everything in my life was neatly arranged like books on shelves.
I was so worried that all these fortune would one day slip out of my hands.
Now that I see that anything , everything is smooth-sailing, i feel blessed, yet at the same time, fearful that this might just be a dream.
What is my birthday wish this year?
I dont want Ritz dinners, the Hollister tees, iPod Nano, Dmobo phone.
I really dont have ,dont need, dont want and never ever wished to possess all these tangible things.
I am happy with the the joy of having people ard me. So I now say when I am sixteen,
Welcome to God's World.
This is where He only matters , and not what my desires or plans there may be.
It is only where I forget my world that was once treasured by an over-achiever, an imperfect being.
I know I only can be complete in Him. Sixteen years of my life has been like a roller-coaster,topsy-turvy yet rewarding .
There was once that I got so sick of loving others that I simply quit.
I have always wanted to just wash my hands of everything else in this wrold because they are wearing me out, severing me piece by piece.
It was inexorably painful having fallen out with friends, cried over raised hopes which inevitably led to failed expectations.
I just want to be simple now.
Thank you for making my birthday a memorable one.
Madeline: Thank you for the whale. I appreciate your thoughtfulness . You dont know how happy was I to have received your wishes. I treasure them a lot. I do:)
LYNETTE: I love the sweets. DO u know that i have been searching for that card. You read my mind like a book though we only started talking not a while ago. I dont know why but I always feel like screaming my lungs out when I see you. You just make me so happy with your hilarious words and actions. Honestly , I was dumbfounded when WX/Mad passed me the present! THe part abt ur heart beating so fast caused me to fall on my heels!Anyway, thank you my dear:)
huifang + jiayi: Thanks for ur wishes. I felt so insulted when you said i was santa claus carrying the Isetan BAGS. HEy, i wasnt giving out presents ok! anw, thanks hf for always listening to my nonsense and those hours on the phone :)
RT: I love the card. It says " MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL <>
Whatever, i was laughing like crap! thank you for always cracking such silly jokes. They add colour to my already hyper and crazy life!
JESS: I will hug the turtle tonight, dont worry! :) please stay happy always.
Goodnight all.
love always , amanda
Friday, September 22, 2006
been watching french shows lately.
jeux d'emfants = love me if u dare.
they always have strange endings.
how can love be treated as a dare?
weird notions.
Zadie Smith's On Beauty is really deep.
i have only managed to understand fragments of it.
i think reading is even better than talking to anyone else in the world.
at least books dont hurt you.
but people do.
they will never stop doing that.
but i am so determined to not get upset anymore.
over insignificant things, insignificant people and worthless matters.
sometimes i wish i hadnt have to love them.
those people who blatantly do that thing.
but on saying that i still love them all over again.
what can i do?
God wants me to.
so you see how hard is it to love people?
and i really mean forgive and accept wholeheartedly.
i came to see their flaws and realized they werent even perfect.
i always knew its a joy to be with people .
sometimes im smiling and i dont even know why.
im tearing and i dont even know why.
im laughing crazily but i dont know why.
thats scary.
i have always believed that being natural with others is something so pleasant and endearing.
talking to different ppl at different times and places is rewarding.
MD: thank you for making me feel so blessed. you dont question my decisions but you respect them. thats enough. im happy that way. :)
J: thank you. i only can say these 2 words to you. you know what i mean.
WX: thank you for the notes you always give me when i fall sick. they made me want to get well. you always write: study+play=healthier amanda.
yah right. when does your body work that way? anyhow. tks. i appreciate your thoughtfulness.
i realize sometimes i really do get .......... i dont know.
md's words arent true. you lied! hnnh!what the crap abt ........NONSENSE
Chasing Cars--- Snow Patrol
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that
these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
gosh.i have never been so helpless in my entire life.
my head was spinning so badly even before.
i tell u the 15 mins was a torment.
prayed so hard for everything to be fine.
because i had no one else to turn to.
the cramps was rather bad.
but the paper turned out fine.
much better than i had expected. Thank God.
but where were u.did i do anything wrong again?
really. what is wrong?
whats with that cold hard glare?
u know, i felt so torn apart.
why did u have to do this?
what in the world are u thinking abt?
i realize i dont understand u at all. i really dont.
i can go away if u think i am such an eyesore to you.
really.
anw,the trip home was plain funny.
i guess this is the first time i have ever spoken more than 10 words to lynette.
kept laughing abt prom, heels...
and how'backward ' am i to not ask ppl to go out but wait for ppl to ask.
i realize this is the 21st century.
she says i should just care less abt losing face.
thank you for the talk.
it was pleasant.
look forward to talking to you more.:)
J:
thanks for the trip today.sorry for pulling you out last minute. i just had to talk to someone.
or i will go mad. thank u for crapping so much in the changing room beside mine. and the 24 rounds of going in and out with the freaking gowns were nonetheless tiring. thank you. i had a lot of fun.
i saw my mother's face again. that look on her face reminds me of something.
WHERE IS THE ICE?????????????? i completely forgotten abt it. thanks a lot. i only wanted to go out.
' why do you have so much time to go out? where do u think u have to go to?'
.................................fuji again. and again...............................
on a happier note,
HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN RISIS!
thank you for all the times, for the love, laughter.
though we always squabble, but thank you for laughing with me. i hope u like the card but i know i seem so flippant.
pls forgive my callousness. i will make a better one next time.please always not be so rebellious and a non-conformist. you are so sickening sometimes.but i dont know why i still love ur company.
Marina south gathering on? pls call me when u see this.
enjoy your day:)
Friday, September 15, 2006
i dont know anymore. i really dont.
its so hard to know why it is even so hard.
but i am not caring anymore. i
dont want too.
geog today was rather heart rending. ph and i complained that iur wrists were in terrible shape.
it broke.
5 mins to do an essay?
after writing the whole page.
i counldnt see at all.
....
sigh. but at leat global w came out. i memorised the whole causes and effects till my brain really hurt
. poor m . she suffers frm insomia. iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...................realized she always talks crap. whats the nonsense abt i feel---- when i see amanda. whatver m. u are full of crap!
for the 3rd time , internaional tach park bangalore came out again.
always the same thing.
but it was fine.
and abt u. sorry u can act like that. i dont want to know why ahymore.
its really so ironic why i dont even feel upset losing this. i dont know.