Monday, February 27, 2006

such a rare chance that im online now. hahah. i decided to come
home first before heading for practice.
hahah.
its so frightening how people can change,
how hate can replace love so easily.
how people lose each other somewhere in the vast
distance they placed between themselves, without even being aware of it.
i told you before the greatest fear i have is to be forgotten.
im hurt. im hurt. it did hurt.------what now?
its fine because as long as you arent.
and i didt prposely ask how were you when you were sick.
it came naturally.
it simply did.
how i felt your pains too, and it wrenched my heart sseing
you in such discomfort.
so today when you finally smiled ,
i smiled too.
just that when i do see you,
i dont know why tears only welled up in my eyes.
maybe it really did hurt so much that i dont even know why it did.
you erected a barrier there, and
each time i tried to peek over to see if we were closer,
the bricks couldnt move at all.
i could only pace up and down behind the barrier,
part of me wanting to break it, part of me, terrorized that i
would be stabbed there and then again,
right at the same corner of my heart.
its so ironic how i tried to find a reason to hate you for doing this to me, for letting me feel insignificant and invisible,
yet i couldnt,
because the miraculous thing that He did for me was to wash
away the tears and the pain,
and
let
me
love
you
again.
but how could i blame u for being skeptical when i had
hurt you in the first place?

i dont know anymore. i have been thinking too much.
far too mush. i shld move on.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I have decided to move on.
i have always been stagnent, wishy-washy.
spoon-fed.
that was me.
i dont want to be all that anymore.
He speaks to me every now and then.
But that can the tears be washed away?
I just know that nothing lasts forever.
Only His unconditional love.
I am not standing alone anymore.
Watchingtorino at 2 am can be such an exhilarating thing.
I have got to see things at a wider angle.

I dont want to yearn for anyone to care anymore.
its tiring.
im afraid it shatters into pieces when im only beginning
to pick the pieces up. i really dont know how to care. tell me.